You are listening to the "Grow a Thriving Practice" podcast. This is Episode 89: "The Root Cause of Fear of Failure." My name is Jillian Faldmo, and I am the business and life coach for sound and energy medicine practitioners who want to turn their practices into aligned careers that point toward freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment. This is the "Grow a Thriving Practice" podcast.
Hello, you! I hope you're having an expansive and abundant day. I have gotten so much feedback on last week's episode on Wealth Consciousness, so thank you for those who sent that in. And, oh, by the way, as soon as I hit publish for that episode, I got an email saying that I won free concert tickets to a Lord Huron concert in Bend, along with a ride. So, I don't usually win anything, and I entered a contest a few weeks ago, and apparently there were like 800 entries. And yeah, as soon as I hit publish, I opened my inbox and I was blown away. So, I shared wealth and wealth consciousness, and the universe sent it back to me. So, remember to share that episode and see what happens for you. And I'm just gonna put another plug in that if you love this podcast and you're a loyal listener tuning in every week, I'd love it if you could subscribe and leave me a 5-star rating and review on whatever app you're listening to it through. Not only do I love seeing that kind of feedback, but it also helps to make the show more visible to others. So, thank you in advance for that.
I have some exciting and weird and random news. A couple of years ago, during COVID, we watched a lot of Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, and I was particularly enjoying solving the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune. So, I wondered what the process was for getting on the show, and there was a little application on the website. So, I filled it out, and just a couple of days ago, I received an email inviting me to an audition. So, I'm auditioning today on Zoom for Wheel of Fortune, and even as I say that, I am like, I have so many butterflies going on. But how random is that? And I like to think that this is another way of the universe sending me wealth, but we'll see. And there are a few reasons why I wanted to share this with you. One, because I hope you'll send me some good vibes, help me by visualizing me on the show. Oh my gosh, as I say that, I get really freaked out. And two, I want to share my actual human brain experience with you, which really ties into the topic of this episode on fear of failure.
So, I got the email and I just totally laughed about it and wrote it off. My brain went to, "No, I'm not doing this. This is crazy." And I didn't even entertain the idea. It was just like, "You'll never win, so why even bother?" But I told Matt about it, my husband, and he said what he always says: "You have to do this." In a very loving, "I believe in you" kind of way. And he's done that so much with me in our relationship that now I've learned to just be like, "Okay." So then he followed with, "You could win $1 million." And I'll be honest, I wasn't even thinking about winning because my brain was just totally writing it off. My brain process was like, "Okay, I'll do something scary and go on the show."
And again, my brain just... It didn't want to entertain the possibility of winning. It's... It's just like, "Nope." But I'll tell you what I did think of. I was honestly thinking about you. How I could be an example of taking a risk, of doing something pretty scary. I mean, being on TV scares the heck out of me because what if I say something stupid? What if I have a huge booger? But when I think about how I might inspire one person to do something that scares them for the sake of their own growth and evolution, and just having fun, my insecurities about what I might say or how I might look, it gets smaller, and I can take a step forward. Now I keep catching my brain wanting to brush it off again. It's today, this afternoon, and it keeps wanting to, you know, say, "No, don't go, don't do this." Keep making like it wants to make excuses, um, tell me that this is stupid. But what I've learned through the years is to notice that my brain is just trying to keep me safe, which I'm gonna talk about further in this episode. Why our brains try to keep us safe. And the way I'm moving through this is to consciously engage my intentional thinking and to think of you, to think of how this is an opportunity for growth for me, to potentially be seen and to have a lot of fun. So, I'm sharing that with you because I hear so often when we fear being seen and we're focused on our own insecurities, that really if you turn the focus to the people that you serve and the people that you feel inspired to serve, it just really shifts things. And maybe it seems silly that I'm thinking of you as I'm doing this, but it is helping me get through the butterflies and such. So, today's episode is all about fear of failure and specifically, we will explore the role of the primitive brain versus the prefrontal cortex and how we can leverage this understanding to overcome our fears and cultivate success. But first, I'd like to announce that applications are officially open for July enrollment to the Grow a Thriving Practice Coaching Program. I'm accepting only 12 practitioners into this program. And before you write yourself off like I almost did with the Wheel of Fortune audition, let me just tell you who this program is for. This is for you if you are starting from zero or if you've had a practice for a few years and you'd like to grow it. It's for you if you're wanting to launch your practice but you don't know where to start. If you're wanting to scale your current practice, meaning that you've been doing one-on-ones for a while and you're ready to offer groups or a program or a course. And this is for you if you are totally terrified of putting yourself out there but you know that it's your calling to help people. Or if you have no idea what you're doing, and that is what the coaching is for. You do not need to have a clue. You don't need to have a website. You don't need to have an established business. That is exactly what Grow a Thriving Practice is for. It's to give you the clarity, the confidence, and the skills to run a sound business, no pun intended, that will feed your soul and your pocket. And what I'm looking for in these applications is the desire and impetus to help people and to see where the gap is from where you are now to where you want to be. That way, I know best how I can help you and how I can serve you. So, applications are due by June 15. For the July enrollment period, and if accepted, you'll receive one-on-one coaching by me for 12 weeks. Now, I know summer vacations are on the way and planned, so we can absolutely plan for that. The coaching will go through September, and by then, you will be well on your way. You will be living a life that you've only dreamed of living. And I hear this all the time from my clients, they're like, "How is this so easy?" Right? It's amazing. So if you're wanting to make this happen, there is no better time than now. Let's do it! Go to jillianfaldmo.com/apply to complete the application. It takes about 10 minutes or less, and we've already got some in this week, so don't delay. Let's make this happen. Jillianfaldmo.com/apply, all right? Let's get into today's topic: the root cause of fear of failure.
Before we dive in to how to move through the fear of failure, let's just take a moment to understand the psychology behind it. Let's understand our brains as humans. We are designed with a complex interplay of emotions and cognitive processes that drive our behaviors and responses. And the one I'm going to share with you today is the interaction between our primitive brain and the prefrontal cortex. And if you're in "Grow a Thriving Practice," you've likely heard me teach about this.
So let's start with the primitive brain. This is the part of our brain that is the most ancient in terms of our evolution. It includes the brain stem and basal ganglia, which are responsible for our most basic survival instincts and behaviors. The primitive brain, or some call it the reptilian brain, is designed to ensure our survival. It's wired to react quickly and automatically to any perceived danger or threats in the environment. It's a very instinctual response that's known as fight or flight, or fight-flight, or freeze or flight-fight, freezer fawn. Whoa, that was a tongue twister. Try to say that five times fast.
This kind of survival response served our ancestors when they faced immediate physical dangers such as predators or other life-threatening situations. However, in our modern world, this response is still engaged, but our survival threats have evolved, and they often take the form of more abstract challenges such as public speaking or taking other personal and business risks. So that's why we feel the vibrations of fear, anxiety, and just a really strong urge to avoid these kinds of situations altogether.
So if we obey this primitive instinctual response, we aren't likely to try new things or step out of our comfort zone and take risks. Our primitive brain's job is to protect us from pain, whether that's physical or emotional. Its job is to seek pleasure and do it with the least amount of effort. This is the motivational triad: to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and do it with the least amount of effort. And that's why most of our society is working 9 to 5 jobs that they hate. They're trying to make ends meet because that is what is known and familiar. The primitive brain associates these things as automatic and safe. It's within the comfort zone, right, familiar? Parents did it, their parents did it, their parents did it. So seeking new opportunities and taking risks like pursuing an unconventional career is interpreted by the primitive brain as scary and uncomfortable, thereby requiring some effort, right? So it's like, "Nope, danger."
That's why if you're, if you've ever wanted to do something outside of your comfort zone, you may get really excited at first. But the thought of actually following through with it brings anxiety, fear, doubt, confusion, and overwhelm. Totally normal, but the brain does not like uncomfortable. These emotions do not mean that you're actually in danger. These emotions do not mean that you shouldn't pursue your dreams. It's just your brain being a brain, offering you some what-ifs right now. What's really awesome and amazing about being human is that we have another part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex, and this is the newer, more evolved part of our brain that's responsible for rational thinking, decision making, and future planning. I like to think that my prefrontal cortex has my highest good in mind, it has my future self in mind. We can consciously engage this part of our brain to override the automatic responses of the primitive brain and make choices based on our long-term goals and desires rather than fear. So, how do you do this? Awareness, awareness. When fear of failure comes up, it's really important to sit with it long enough to understand why it's presenting because fear can feel so automatic and instinctual, and our tendency is to just go right to believing it, react to it, and not question it. Right? It's offering us, "This is dangerous," and we're just like, "Okay, yep, dangerous, move away." So, let's, for example, think of creating a video to put up on your website or social media. I hear this all the time from my clients. They're afraid, right? But afraid of what? And these questions come up: What if I do it wrong? What if I say something stupid? What if nobody likes it? What if I offend someone? All of the what-ifs come up, and that's where I like to affirm for them: Of course, these questions are coming up. This is outside of your comfort zone. Your brain is believing that the answer to these questions is an untimely death, right? Or actually, what it often boils down to is the fear of being alone. For many of us, I can totally relate to this fear. When I ask myself, "Well, what if I say something stupid? What's the worst thing that can happen?" My answer is, "Everyone will hate me, and I'll be all alone." Seriously, that's how irrational the primitive part of our brain is. But when we can look at that response with our prefrontal cortex, with some logic, what is actually the chance of that happening? Of creating a video, saying something stupid, and then ending up all alone? It's very, very slim. So, awareness is key. And then we want to try to understand why is this fear presenting, and it's as simple as because my brain thinks it's dangerous, my brain has this instinctual response to think that it's dangerous. I remember another fear I had when I first started to be self-employed: What if I fail and run out of money? And I followed that question all the way to my core fear: Then I'll have to live under a bridge and lose my family, and I'll be all alone. But what are the chances of that happening? I mean, it could happen, right? We've seen it with people.
But for me, that felt like a very, very slim chance because I would never, ever let it get to that point. Because I am determined and I am resourceful, and I would get a job somewhere or do Instacart or dog walking, or as much as I wouldn't like to, maybe even go back to nursing.
So when fear comes up for me, I take myself to the absolute worst-case scenario and I make peace with it and I move on. And that's what I like to call, like, that's the questioning. So I offer four steps to coaching yourself through any problem, and these are going through the four steps.
First step is to acknowledge or become aware of the problem or the emotion. The second step is to understand it, and then the third step is to question it. What if, what's the worst-case scenario? And then the fourth step is to redirect.
So I think what keeps so many of us from pursuing our dreams is the resistance to the fear itself. Fear comes up and we just avoid it at all costs, instead of leaning into it and understanding it and questioning it and then redirecting it. It's okay to feel fear, it's okay to be experiencing a fear of failure, and when we can be okay with its visits, we can begin to step outside of our comfort zones and take calculated risks and open ourselves up to valuable experiences and new possibilities.
One of my coaches said, "Success is built upon a pile of failures," meaning that if we do fail, each failure becomes a stepping stone on the path to success because you tried something, learned from it, and then did it again until you found success. I like to think of failing in terms of failing forward or learning forward. But if we don't try at all and we quit ahead of time, then we fail ahead of time.
So let's talk about how actually embracing failure can help you in your journey to growing your thriving practice. As practitioners, your journey is one of constant evolution and refinement. I actually think that because of the work we've chosen to do or even the work choosing us, life gives us so many opportunities to learn and grow so that we can be better guides and facilitators for our clients, so that we can continue to uplift and inspire those around us.
So I invite you to reframe failure as a valuable learning experience. Because when you do this, you can really approach your practice with a growth mindset and push the boundaries of your abilities. Embracing and reframing failure allows you to experiment with new techniques in your sessions, to explore something you may not have tried before, and really fine-tune your approach with your clients. If you have a setback like negative feedback from a client, that then becomes an opportunity to refine your process even more, to deepen your understanding of the work, and to connect with your clients on a more profound level.
So can you see how this kind of growth mindset can actually allow you to become more comfortable with the possibility of failure? Can you see how it can help you to cultivate resilience? I promise you, as you become more willing to fail, you will develop a stronger belief in yourself, truly cultivate resilience, and find success.
Alright, my sweet friend, I'd love to hear how this episode helped you today. What do you feel inspired to try that's outside of your comfort zone? I am rooting for you. I'll see you in the next episode.
Are you a sound and energy medicine practitioner who wants to grow your business, but don't know where to start? Maybe you're feeling confused, overwhelmed. Maybe you're feeling self-doubt. Well, I've got the perfect resource for you, and it's free. Head on over to JillianFaldmo.com to get the Harness Your Emotional Awareness to Grow Your Business Roadmap. It's a roadmap that's designed just for you to turn those emotions like confusion, fear, whatever it is that's stopping you from growing your business into emotions that will actually fuel the action to grow your business. You've got this! Head over to JillianFaldmo.com to claim it now.
